Many of us want to be the best parents on the block. We want to be the cool Mom or Dad that all the kids (not just your own) love. I know I had this ideal of how I’d be before my son was born…the perfect mom. I haven’t exactly lived up to every area of that great theory, however.
Parenting usually isn’t as easy as we think it will be. But here is hope! The following are 10 tips that can help you become a better parent.
Become a Better Parent
1. Set rules and boundaries.
There’s nothing worse that toddlers who run through a store, screaming as they go. Or those that slap at their parents whey things don’t go their way. Rule setting needs to occur as soon as unwanted behavior does…most two year olds can understand basic rules and boundaries.
2. Be consistent.
Just because you set rules doesn’t mean that your kiddo will always follow them. As your child grows, he will start to test the waters to see what he can and cannot get away with. Being consistent in your rules, discipline, and actions makes it less confusing for him, and easier for him to understand what is allowed and what’s not.
3. Know it’s okay to ignore unwanted behavior.
Temper tantrums are running high in our home right now. At first, I wanted nothing more than to console the kiddo when he didn’t get what he wanted. However, I quickly learned that sweet talking, hugging, etc only encouraged the problem. Now, I typically give Sawyer a few minutes to calm down before talking to him or trying to redirect him.
4. Use discipline AND praise accordingly.
Praise is just as important as discipline. It further helps young children know when they have done something right. Just as you would dole out punishments, give out rewards (a mix of words, privileges, or material things) when they are well behaved.
5. Listen when they speak.
Busy moms and dads may want to listen to their child, but find that they actually “uh huh” and “yeah, okay” their way through conversations with their kids. As they get older, children grasp this and it can cause them to do the same in return. When possible, stop what you are doing and listen to your little one as he talks. This also helps to promote good social skills as well.
6. Schedule family time as well as quality one-on-one time.
It’s important that the family does things altogether, such as dinner each night or an occasional evening out. However, it’s just as important that each child have special one-on-one time with their parents. This can be a special time to read, have a fun outing, or just relaxing on a blanket in the backyard. It gives your child time to connect with each parent on a more personal level.
7. Maintain your authority.
When you direct your child to do something (clean his room, wash his hands, etc), be sure not to phrase the request as a question. If done this way, the child may feel that he has a choice and can choose not to listen. Telling him to do something and adding “please” at the end makes it more of a command, though it still doesn’t sound harsh or demanding.
8. Be a role model for your children.
No one spends more time with your kids than you do. If you want them getting more active or spending less time watching TV, be sure to model that for them. Many children pick up habits directly from their parents, so it’s important that you watch your language and actions when your little ones are present.
9. Encourage reading skills.
Reading is one of the most important skills that children need to learn early on. Most schools begin teaching reading in Kindergarten, but you can foster the love of books even sooner.
Read to your children before bed each night, and be sure that books are always accessible for them to flip through. Keeping a couple in the car is also great, as they are educational and can pass the time during a boring car ride.
10. Have fun with your kids.
No matter how busy or stressful life is, be sure that you never forget to less loose and have fun. Having a good laugh shows kids so many things…that you value time spent with them, you know how to have fun, laughing is good, etc.
11. Be involved in their lives.
Up until the time school starts, it’s hard not to be very involved with your child’s life. However, avoid merely becoming someone in the background as they get older. Staying involved shows them you still care, and that you aren’t too busy for them. Help with homework, attending parent/teacher conferences, volunteer for field trips and talk with them nightly about their day.
About Kecia
For our family the importance of praying together has always helped. The children have learned to quieten themselves during devotion time, participate in singing, listen while the other prays. It definitely helps us strengthen bonds and for us as parents, be more peaceful when we deal with the kiddos.
We have about 13 Bible passages (some are whole chapters and some just 2 verses and some 5ish verses) that we read every day around breakfast time. And yes, praying, singing and other devotions are an amazing part of parenting.
11 great points! We try to do these and they are ones that need to be worked on all the time. It is so easy to let these slip at times!
My parenting ideal was quickly a figment of my imagination. Though not perfect, I’m thankful that each day starts fresh. When I mess up, my children are very forgiving, and we start again. Parenting is process, each child is different, and the moments are fleeting. Keep using time wisely as we parent our children.
Oh I am totally the ‘uh huh, yes dear’ mom – sad to say. It takes great intention on my part to turn away from the computer screen, stop working, and look into the eyes of my son and mindfully listen to what he is sharing with me.
I fail, yes, and he will call me on it. He will actually tell me to listen with my eyes because he knows that if I do not look at him, I am not listening 100%.
Funny because this is what I used to do when he was a little guy – I would make him look me in the eyes when I talked to him so I was sure he was listening. –> Good parenting?
Great tips. I’m actively trying to do all that you mention with my 3 kids. We are trying to pray more this year and get the kids closer to God.
Great tips. We do try to do all those that is listed above but the hardest would be to have 1 to 1 time with each kid.
Praying with your kids is SO important…especially these days…..
What a nice post I enjoyed reading it. I have brought up two kids who are now 32 and 27. I am not sure I followed any rules as such but thankful they turned out well. Having guide lines and lots of love seem to work for me.
This is a great post, Kecia! I agree with pretty much everything that you’ve added to your list here. Some parents (I’ve noticed) don’t realize that it’s okay to sometimes ignore the behaviors that their children are doing because they are simply doing it for attention. Of course on the same token, it’s really important to listen to what you’re child is saying–especially after they’ve calmed down from their tantrum–so that you can learn what it was that caused the tantrum in the first place.
Great list! I really like it!
Kecia, this is a wonderfully written post. I too, often wonder if I’ve lived up to the promises I made when Beloved was born. Each day we do our best, thanks for the reminder!
Thank you for a post that makes so many great points. We all have goals to be the “best” parent, but we don’t always back up those goals with specifics.
My best tip is to be active in your children’s lives. Get to know them for who they are.
Great post. These are things I work with my children with as well. We read daily to them and now my husband and I are starting to spend time with them individually and as a family as well so they get to bond with us in special ways. Discipline and praise does go hand in hand.
We love one and one time with our kids. It gives us a chance to discover their lovely, fun personalities with out the jealousy the other sibling tends to summon when around.
I think it is important to be consistent in whatever it is you may be doing with your child. Whether it be playing or discipline. If you are about playing with your child, it will help you bond. If you are consistent with discipline, whether it be teaching them to discipline themselves to keep their rooms clean or brush their teeth everyday, or the discipline involved in laying down a punishment for something done wrong, it can only help them in their adult lives, and I think both play and discipline help foster a sense of respect for you from your child.
These are all great tips. I think the one about having fun with your kids is important. Just take time to be silly together! I need to work on being more authoritative, though, as I tend to say “can you go wash your hands please” rather than “time to wash your hands.”
My tip: let your child win a few arguments here and there. I let my son present me with a valid argument as to why my rule is “wrong” at that moment. If it’s a good argument, he wins. It’s good for their future negotiating skills.
I agree with you about the reading….I read constantly to my daughter when she was younger, and now she loves learning to read books!
These are great tips! I love parenting tips! We can always work harder to do better!
What a nice post!
I don’t have a child of my own, but I do have a 7-year old nephew who I am very much in his life.
I’d have to say that I should tighten up on
#2. Be consistent.
# 7 Maintain your authority.
I’m an auntie and sometimes I wonder how he views me as an adult because I am a bit…overly energetic and “youthful”. I am the one who plays Wii and Kinnect with him with more competitiveness and enthusiasm than the next. I’m the one that goofs off with him, and throws shadow karate kicks with him and acts out ‘fight scenes’ like the Matrix. We play kickball, soccer, and all sorts of sports together, so I know he views me as the ultimate playmate.
I am also the one who doesn’t really enforce things or notice ‘bad’ behavior because I “don’t know any better’. I can’t tell you how many times my brother says to me “you’re just going to let him do that” and I truly don’t know what he’s talking about.
I also don’t like repeating myself, so on those rare occasions that he doesn’t listen right away, I’m not good on following through on instruction because of my lack of patience.
However, this post was good because it reminds me of my good points too – I have no problems ignoring bad behavior. I encourage reading, art and education. I give him lots of one on one time. I listen. He knows he can talk to me. And I am involved (ahhhh – just reminded me that I’m a chaperone for his birthday party coming up)….
Getting to know your child’s personality. When you know what makes them tick-you know how to reward them and get them to listen to what is needed of them in a way that goes along with how God intended them to be
I have a little one motivated by fun, and another one motivated by consistency and organization. While not always easy, I try as hard to be considerate of their individual personalities when parenting.
When I was younger, I always wanted my parents to be like the “cooler” parents that seemed more like friends than parents to their kids. Now that I’m a parent, I’m so glad they stuck to parenting. Great tips, I especially agree with scheduling family time and quality one-on-one time with each family member. Often we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to truly enjoy and appreciate those that should come first.
I have six kids so I really have to stay focused on tip #5. Sometimes the chaos gets pretty noisy and I know I must be very purposeful in my listening. When I really want to the best communication with one of my kids I put them on my lap so we are up close and eye to eye. That makes it harder for me to lose focus.
My children are in elementary and middle school and I think not only is important to know your children but it is also important to know their friends especially since as they get older they will be picking their own friends. We also take time to talk to their friends about how school is going and their interests whenever they are over here (which seems to be quite often with my oldest son). I also think it is important to know what works for one parent and child relationship or family may not work for another. I think everyone is doing the best they can and if you aren’t doing it my way or I’m not doing it your way-that is perfectly okay. There is no secret society of the “best parents.”
These are great tips! I’ve been noticing a trend lately…that parents are hard core when kids are little but once they hit five and older, they loosen the reigns and let their kids get away with stuff more. Hopefully this is only a trend amongst my friends and not the nation.
But just because the kids are older doesn’t mean they become our “friends!” Thanks for sharing these!
I really love this list. My mother fostered a love of books for me at an early age, and I plan to do the same with my son. We read all the time, although most of the time he is more interested in turning pages with his toes.
So many wonderful tips here. I can relate to many. My son is 2.5 and is starting to test the boundaries and waters so to speak. Thanks so much for this post.
Number 3 hit home with me today! Thanks for sharing these wonderful tips. As a mom, I always want to be the best parent that I can, and some days I feel like I’m failing. Your post reminds me that I am doing a great job and that some days are a bit harder than the rest.
Being consistent is something that I have struggled with. My daughter often whines and I cave. I need to do better with that.
Dawn
I’d add be flexible. Each child brings a unique experience to parenting and as parents we have to be flexible so we can approach each experience with an individualized solution.
Eleven great tips! A couple things I would add is: 1. Pray with your kids. 2. Listen, listen, and listen some more – and see if they want advice before always giving it. 3. Don’t be afraid to admit you were wrong and ask they’re forgiveness. I’m sure there are others, but those are the first that come to mind.
Great Tips!! I think parenting, like every relationship is always a work in progress. I always strive to be better in all areas.
I do well with everything which makes me feel good about my parenting skills. I could work more on discipline, but to be honest I’m always so shocked when my daughterd oesn’t listen that I sometimes am not sure what to do about it.
Talking to my kids at the end of the day is important as they grow. I have four children and didn’t realize the middle two (10 and 8) were feeling left out of the end-of-the-day time until they spoke up. In order to avoid a night that never ends, I scheduled a time before actual bedtime to snuggle and talk. The oldest one (14) doesn’t ask for snuggle time, but we do spend time together. It looks different as they grow and change, but that connect and re-connect time needs to happen regularly.
I love what you say about encouraging reading skills. Reading aloud is one of the absolute best ways to do this. The teacher in me often forgets to just read aloud for enjoyment and let the rest take care of itself. I also agree that having fun together is another great way to stay connected.
You have hit all the tips that I use in my family. We laugh a lot so that is something that helps us when we are having a hard time. We do family nights plus I do individual dates with my kids.
Great tips! All of these are important. I think consistency is one of the most important things. Consistent example, consistent discipline, consistent love. Thanks for sharing.
Tantrums abound here, too. I love my kids, and definitely feel the time flying by, but sometimes all I wish for is the phase of screeching and screaming to be over…
I am so glad to see something about discipline as well as rewarding…. That too often is not balanced and you get one or the other.
We always had a blast! I miss that…
I am hoping to work in a family movie night once a week, and a family game night once a week. It is fun trying to work that in when I am trying to build a new business, maintain my music studio, my husband is looking for work (interview tomorrow at 11:30 that sounds REALLY hopeful, but will not be consistent hours each week – the hours will vary). The good thing is, homeschooling, that doesn’t have to be “in the evening” or on one specific day… I can schedule either on any day of the week that might be available as long as it is scheduled in each week….. And once DH has a job, it will also be easier to have that one on one time that I used to do – I’d take one kid at a time to the park or the mall or wherever and spend some time with just that kid.
My husband and I have been making an effort to communicate better.
This is a great list! I love that your suggestions are concrete. Would you consider sharing this with us at Inspire Me Monday at Create With Joy?
I especially like #2 and #3. I always struggle with being consistent. I also like the idea of ignoring bad behavior. Sometimes it makes the tantrum end much quicker.
Those are some great tips! One thing I’ve learned is to remember that each child is different, even from one another. What worked with the oldest may not (in fact probably will not) work for the second and third children. Get to know your kids and grow that relationship; it will matter as they get older! <3
Kecia, this is an excellent post! I especially love the reminder to listen to our children, as they will emulate our listening/responding skills as they get older. It is so easy to say, “uh huh” without really listening.
I also love the advice to spend one-on-one time. We have 4 kids now and I really need to schedule this in or it won’t happen.
Thanks for getting me to thinking!
I couldn’t agree with this list more. I know as my girls grow older {they’re 2.5 and 1 now}, I’ll definitely have to schedule them one-on-one time with me!