Since I’ve been back in school, my weight loss attempt has been put on the sideline. Because of this, I have managed to gain back all the weight I had lost in the past month (which was only 4 lbs, but still!). James and I talked about weight loss, motivation, and willpower tonight, and I realized how much I lack in the last two areas. I know how to eat healthy…I know a lot about calories, carbs, protein, fat, etc…I know about good portion sizes and how often to eat each day. Eating right to lose the weight isn’t the problem. It’s the motivation to follow a healthy eating plan and the willpower to keep at it that’s the problem for me.

James says I do not follow his advice, and that on more than one occasion I’ve told him I don’t want to listen to him when he gives advice. I’m sorry, but I can’t listen to the weight loss advice of someone who is overweight themselves! Granted, he’s not as overweight as I am, but he keeps teetering back and forth on the scales, and hasn’t made it to his goal weight after about 5 years of trying. He’s came within 10 pounds of doing so, but then turned around and gained back up to his highest weight. How do you take the advice of someone like this? I felt bad when he told me that…as it seems he feels I don’t value his opinion/advice, but if he’s not much better off than me, I find it hard to follow his suggestions.

I wish I could find some way to motivate myself into beginning and sticking with a healthier lifestyle. I’m not interested in dieting, as I want something sustainable that will help me take off the weight and keep it off. I’ve failed every time I’ve tried Weight Watchers, and refuse to try any of the popular diets (South Beach, Atkins, etc.) because I’m not to familiar with them, and honestly, I do not want something that will be too restrictive/difficult to follow. I just want to make good decisions on my eating habits, cut out the eating out, and lose weight at a healthy pace. I feel that once I get to losing some weight, I’ll be able to then motivate myself to continue what I am doing right…but this may not happen until the first 10-20 lbs are gone. Until then, how do I keep the motivation strong enough to go on?

I have read several motivational stories online through the years, but when it comes to my next meal, and choosing between what I want to eat and what is good for me, I seem to completely forget what I’ve read or just ignore the thoughts and go for what I want. I think too much for the present. I have this mentality that, “I’ll eat this candy now, and make up for it later.” When “later” comes, I splurge again, telling myself I’ll make up for that later as well. It’s like I’m stuck in a rut that I can never get out of. The sad thing is, I have plenty of “Why’s” pertaining to weight loss, a few being I want to stay healthy (only problem I currently have is my weight), I want to wear smaller, cuter clothes (plus size isn’t always the most fashionable), I want to like going to the beach (I like the vacationing part, but I hate being in a swimsuit in public), and I want to lose before I get pregnant again (in order to lower some of the risks). Here again, when I go to out to eat or choose to eat a food that isn’t healthy, I fail to think about the “Why’s” and instead indulge myself in what I currently want.

Okay, the rant is over. Now that I have it out, I have to figure out a way to change it.

I wanted to blog all day yesterday, but could not due to my Internet being down since Sunday. Apparently someone cut a fiber cable, and lots of people in the area lost internet service. They were not able to restore it until last night around 10pm. My mom only lost internet for a few hours Sunday night, and she has the same internet and phone company we do! I thought that was a bit ridiculous, but hey, at least it’s back on now.

Yesterday when James got home, he made me come sit in the bedroom with the door shut. He then proceeded to create a scavenger hunt around the entire house (minus the bedroom of course). He came to get me when he was done and handed me a piece of paper. My first destination was the grill on the back deck, where I found a spool of string. At the next stops, I found candy, a lighter, and colored pencils. Then I found a Wreck This Journal hidden under a throw pillow on the couch! The book is totally awesome! The search wasn’t over, as the book had a post-it attached to it that led me to a kitchen cabinet. In there was another Wreck This Journal.

A couple weeks ago, when I mentioned wanting one of these to James, I told him I though it would be cool if we both had one and did them together, sort of like a couples thing. He quickly dismissed the idea, saying that he wasn’t creative and that he didn’t want one. I made some comment about him not wanting to do anything fun with me, and then let the idea drop. Of course, he was totally faking, since now we both have one! I started coloring in mine last night while he was holding on the line for tech support (it was our 6th call to them yesterday).

And here are all my gifts from James…I was quite confused when I gathered everything from the scavenger hunt, before finding the journal The items are to be used to help destroy the book.

Photos can be made larger by clicking.

I so almost forgot to blog tonight. Yes, that’s how bad this day as been. Allow me to rant:

Today was my first day being alone in the 3 year old classroom. I have been a little worried about this day, though I didn’t think it would come quite so soon. It was for only 4 hours this afternoon, but I had 13 kids today. State law says you can have 15 3 year olds for 1 adult, so I was almost to the limit. The children are realizing quite nicely that I am a new teacher, and are proceeding to run all over me. I am sure it will get better once they realize that I am a teacher, and that they have to treat me with the same respect as they do the other adults.

As if my work day wasn’t bad enough, I came home to a smoldering house at 6:30pm. We still had the thermostat set to heat, and it was 80 degrees inside…the same temp as outside! I felt like I had no relief from the weather. Especially after standing in it for over an hour while the children played on the outdoor play area.

On top of all of this, Mother Nature decided I had gone cramp-free long enough, and decided to visit me first thing this morning. All in all, I am sure this made my day even worse, as I felt like total crap most of the day. But, there is a bright side to this…it will help us get back on track for another pregnancy!

Oh, and my “baby” brother turned 15 today. Not only does that make me feel old, that also scares me. He’s going to get his learner’s permit tomorrow…So he’ll be on the road soon! :surprise:

I normally don’t rant (a.k.a. whine) on my blog like this, but it’s my site, so I feel like I am entitled! I am off tomorrow, but I am supposed to go to a local elementary school and complete some observation hours for my Education class. I am considering putting that to Thursday, so that I can completely enjoy my off day…The only one I’ll get this “wonderful” Spring Break!